The OG Bad Santa
Christmas always brings back memories of my grandpa—a no-nonsense kind of guy who was beloved by everyone who knew him. He had a straightforward manner; if he wasn't interested in something, he didn't pretend to be. Being a farmer, it was common for him to first inquire about the rainfall in our gauge before asking about my adventures at kindergarten.
In contrast, Grandma was full of warmth and curiosity. She delighted in hearing about the boys in my class, and she'd happily join us in games of pickup sticks and paper dolls. She even crafted a dollhouse for us to play with when we visited. But my fondest memories are of us gathered around the dial TV, watching I Love Lucy and indulging in as many malted milk balls as we pleased.
One particular Christmas stands out in my mind—the weekend my grandparents promised to take us to see Santa at the mall. Eagerly donning my Christmas dress, I dashed to the kitchen to announce our readiness, dragging my sister Meredith along. I couldn't wait to place my Christmas order!
Crammed into Grandpa's truck, we set off, only to be surprised when Grandpa declared, "Well, I'll be darned. We don't have to go all the way to town—Santa came to us!" My heart sank as I peered out the window to see a scrawny figure in a red suit lounging in a lawn chair. "That's not Santa!" I protested.
But Grandpa insisted, whisking Meredith from her seat to perch on the imposter's lap. I reluctantly climbed out of the truck, lamenting how Grandma had promised that the real Santa was at the mall that weekend. Grandpa, undeterred, pulled out a camera and declared he could take our picture right then and there. As Meredith reluctantly posed, I couldn't resist snatching the elastic beard from the imposter's face, while warning Grandpa of the trouble awaiting him. Yet, I couldn't help but notice the pride in Grandpa's eyes as he defended this unconventional visit.
It wasn't until weeks later, upon seeing my mom's reaction to the photo, that the full extent of the day's hilarity set in.
Merry Christmas and to all, and to all a good night.